2004-05-31 - 12:29 a.m.
Don't know. Forgotten. Lost. End. Thinking bout what to write and only coming up with thoughts of future. Perhaps it was the job fair. Tends to do that to you, get you thinking. There are lots of opportuinities, all of which I could look into, but I need to buckeledown and start setting goals and keeping them.
Goals. I break them. Constantly. Right now, biggest goal, broken. O well. I'll fix it. Easily.
Break. Taking breaks can mean taking a pause in what is happening now so that you can pick it up later. But when you pick it up later is it the same as when you left off? Doubt it. Not sure if I care either.
Mother. Dearest mother. Stops calling stops writing, then suddenly picks up and says "I want to be apart of your life." I don't know if I have room for her. I don't know If i want room. Stupid pointless arguing about my waste of good talent. How i could do things better, be more assertive, less play, more work. No more half ass attempts, no more "i'll do it later". Not her saying, mine. I'm done taking orders from her. Her slimey ass druggy self can survive witouth my help. I took care of the both of us, and the little one. No way in hell am I going back to that.
Thinking that things can be picked up and restarted is insane. I dont know why people think it is ok to just drop everything and start over. Rebegginings never work. YOu don't see people dying and starting over do you? You don't see a younger version of your grandma walking through a door do you? Fuck that. You get one chance as far as I'm concerned. She had fifty. No more chances, no more wishes. Your magic lamp has been rubbed free of all magical inhabitants, and it's all your fault. NO more wishes for you.
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