2004-05-04 - 10:12 p.m.
Ooook.. Long day. Today I want to rant to you about trust. It fucking sucks. You can't trust anybody no matter how much you think you can.
I've spent my entire life working on trusting people, it takes a lot for me to confide in someone, and even more to confide in them about something that matters, or something I hold dear to myself. I don't know why i alwasy end up laying my trust in the hands of people who a) don't want it b) can't handle it c) can't keep it.
I don't know why i make the same mistakes again and again, hoping for different outcomes. It's like the expirement gone wrong. You want your hypothesis to be right so you go on repeating the procedure expecting a different ending. BUT IT'S NEVER DIFFERENT. Then.. just when you think you've tweaked the instructions enough to make a difference, you realize, maybe you shouldn't tweak the instructions, and put them back to normal, thereby repeating the SAME DAMN EXPIREMENT. I hate it when I do things wrong. I hate it even more when I do them wrong twice.. three times.. or even four.
I've layed my trust in the hands of some pretty fucked up people, most of them as equally fucked up as myself, in thinking, and in actions, but I've alwasy got a few little ends.. people that I trust juuust cause i think i can. FUCK THAT SHIT. I don't know why i do that kinda stuff. thinking I can have someone who is always there. Gah. i don't need anyone, fuck them all. I win.
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