2004-05-06 - 11:33 p.m.
Nothing too horrible today. Just kinda slow. I have nothing to write about so I figured I would just let myself spinn off into a tangent and see where we go.
I spend a lot of time bitching about how horrible things are, but the more I think about it the more I think that life has gotten so much better from me. I've withdrawn from the usual fit of things. I don't listen to people bitch aymore unless I really have to, or want to. I don't care for sharing my problems, though I can admit that I have the usual upset. Sometimes I forget that I don't really care what people think, and I find myself sharing more and more of what I want hidden.
I was thining back to a fight my mom and I had once, she told me that she used to resent it everytime I walked into a room because she saw my dad in me. Then she told me she was wrong, the real reason why she resenteded it everytime I walked into a room was because she saw herself. I don't want to be like her. It's funny thoug, because uptil this point I have turned out to be the perfect reflection of her. My mom was a swimmer when she was younger, she played the clarinet and quit in ninth grade. She expiremented with drugs. So have I. Though I must say that I am proud to admit that i quit while I was ahead. She got wrapped up in that shit. It took contol of her and has yet to release her. Thats what scares me with a lot of stuff. I find myself being wrapped up in thigns that all i want to do is back out of.
Then again, the more I try to back out the farther I get sucked in. Maybe that's just the way things work now. I mean no one can have what they want anymore. NOt unless they really work for it.
Wouldn't it make more sense for everything to be free, emotions, possesions, everything.. I mean come on, think of how much better we would all be, no hobo's no poor people, no small houses. People coudl further infect the planet, keep us living longer, healthier lives. THen our parisitic exsistance can spread to other planets, we could take over the universe and leave nothing left to be discovered... that could be our big bang
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