2004-05-16 - 9:43 p.m.
Sitting on a throne staring at the stage, watching things spin as you try to tell yourself you are under control. Your head is level, but you feel like everyone is staring at you. Watching you sit and listen to the sounds around. You're too quiet. You know if you stay quiet they will know, but You don't want to be loud and draw attention to yourself. So you Stay there, in your throne, listening to the music and watching them talk. You listen for ques and set up the lights,, perhaps if you do everything right things will become normal again, no one will know, no one will guess. That's good.
They know, you know they know, but you pretend they don't. Maybe for your own benifit. He talkes to you and you want him to shut up. He plays games with your head like he knows that you are and wants to rub it in. He doesn't understand that you don't give a flying fuck if he knows, because youa re the queen of the world and totally under control. It doesn't take much to knwo that you have the power to make yourself stop. You can't decide if you hate the feeling so you sit back on your throne and watch again. Watch as they dance and spin and twirl without ever leaving their seats. You hear their words but you dont' acknowledge that they aren't talking to you and you want to reply, but then you remember you are being quiet.
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