2004-10-07 - 12:57 a.m.
Phones always ringing as if begging me to pick it up and talk with whoever is on the other side. I don't want to talk. I don't want to listen, I don't want to care. I want to be a nobody. Slipping away into that place in the back of someone's head. That place where you only check if you think there might be something you didn't mean to forget. I want to be invisible. "Like a fly on your wall."
If no one sees me, no one hears me, and no one seeks my comfort. I've got nothing left to give. I don't know if I had it in the first place.
I hate being the one that is turned to. The one they can rely on. Let go. Move on. I'm invisible.
Why can't you tell I'm not running away? I'm moving on growing up. I don't want to lose you, just give distance. From all of you... from all of them. From everyone. I'm friends with those I hate and hate those I love. No.
I don't know what I want, but that's the beauty of it. Given the time, and the space, I could find it. I could search it out. Stop pressuring me to come home to you. Stop begging me to come back! Let go, release.