2004-10-13 - 12:05 a.m.
Twisted evening. I kept thinking I had done something wrong, she seemed so upset, like I had screwed up. I guess it's simply because he's coming home soon and it makes her stress level reboot. I feel like it's my fault. I wish I could help.
Feeling helpless is so painful. Like you should be able to fix it, but try as hard as you can and all you get to show for your work is someone upset with you for butting in.
*shrug*
She hates the way I'm condescending with her, and how I won't "play along". It seems this evening she stole my personality and let it take her over. She wanted nothing from me. No kiss, no smile, no hug. It's hard not being wanted.
That brings me to another point. Codependancy. Ever heard of it. Me either. Untill I started reading some book I checked out. Suggested by a friend. Guess I'm it. Guess I depend on others even though I don't want to. I codepend on everyone else. Crazy shit. Dont' want to depend. Want to be me.
ahh well. Buck up. stop whining. Nobody gets what they want.
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