2004-12-09 - 9:35 p.m.
I haven't had any energy whatsoever lately to write. Things have just been kinda lame. I'm not sure what's going on, I just know that I want to keep as far away from it as possible, like if i get to involved bad things will happen... which.. they usually do. I don't know what the hell has happened to everything, it just seems like it's all so forced, like i've been doing osmething that warrents being torn into two peices. Heh, of course it's possible that i'm overreacting and just preparing myself for the possibility that something esle will happen. Fuck, what the hell is my problem right now? I'm just scribbling all this crazy shit that doesn't make sense.
Heh, I admited my fear to someone today. I don't think she understood it, or even knew that it was what I was scared of, but she said that I should and that it was dumb of me.. "sad" or something like that. I don't know.
Ever get the feeling your just rambling to fill up space? Like filling up some sort of space will make it seem alright because you've met your "quota" for the week? Like if you see your own words written out in front of you than they must be how you are feeling, I mean, why else would you be writing them? I guess that's kinda how I feel. I feel like if I write that I'm happy, I must be.
There's my wonderful logic again, these scribbles that make no sense when written out to anybody buy myself. Who knows, If i could sigh right now, and you could hear it.. I would.
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