2004-12-16 - 10:46 p.m.
Go away go away go away! I don't want it, I can't handle it, I don't know how to register it. Stop telling me these thigns because I know they aren't true. I don't want to talk to you right now, I don't want to listen to you whine about how much your cutting hurts. I don't want to hear one more person ask about your stupid marks and watch as you shift your gaze to me, knowing I know you're lying. I hate liars. Liars go to hell. I'll see you there bastard.
Grr.. K so I'm a bit hostile. I have good reason. I don't want these people to be so.. goddamn.. people ish. If I could pick how each and every person I was around were to act, I would. LOL but .. that'd be selfish and bitchy of me. Heh, perhaps I'm selfish and bitchy. GODDAMNIT. Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone? I bet she looks on an laughs. Actually, I know she looks on and laughs. I know how she feels as I call her up looking for someone to comfort me. LOL someone who I know won't 'fall in love'. A girl. Yeah. I should stop hanging out with boys all together. They always get so.. clingy and bitchy. At least my girl friends could care less about where the hell I am and who the hell I'm with and whether or not they are going to get to see me before I leave.
The best thing about girls. THey're so wrapped up in their own business they don't take time to think about what other people might want from them. I suppose you could call us selfish.. actually I'm pretty sure you could call us selfish. Hell. I call us selfish, but it's the way the world works. Get the hell over it and move on. I have.
Grrrrr.. I'm in an angry mood today. I'm sick of people saying all this stuff to me that makes no sense what so ever. What have I done to deserve any sort of affection from anyone? ALL I DO IS PUSH PEOPLE AWAY! Why can't you take the fucking hint? Why do you have to pretend like if you keep pursuing everything will get better? I don't want you, I don't want any one. I"m fucked up like that ok? Just ... get over it.
*sigh* And from angry I shift to helpless. LOL. Who knows anymore what's going on. I sure as fuck don't. Even when I read over these later I get lost as all hell. I feel for anyone who can comprehend the different emotions that pass through my head as I scribble down useless words that don't mean anything to anybody but me. Things that only mean something to me because I think I can grasp things If i write them out. The sad thing is, I can't. I have no idea what the hell is happening or why moods keep switching so much. Maybe I'm on permanent P.M.S. That's what a guy would pawn it off ass. Maybe I'm bipolar. Heh, I got tested for that though. As far as I know, I'm not. Though I am almost borderline. LOL. They ask you silly questions, about sleeping and eating tendency's. You're supposed to be honest when it comes to thtat kinda stuff so they can help you.
I wasn't.