2005-01-06 - 2:31 a.m.
Things just suddenly got a hell of a lot better. I feel like I should be outside running around and sliding on ice cause i'm in that damn good of a mood.
I don't know what it is, or.. at least I'm not positive that I know what it is. I like the mystery. The not knowing. The surprise around every corner. It's new. Very new. It isn't just. "I'm here I know how I am and now you are too there shall be no surprises." I like having things be so easy now.
In two hours. In two goddamn hours everything becomes easy. Everything just kinda floats off my shoulders and makes me feel.. ok. Like.. I can breath again. I wonder .. if it's how a baby feels when they take their first breath of air when they are yanked from their safe haven. Pulled into some cruel new world, not knowing what's a head, only know they can't go back the way they came. Everything from here on out is going to be a first. Hey, some will be first and onlys. A baby has a full life of "news" and "firsts" and "surprises". I wish you could see how big i am grinning right now. I really love surprises.
The right kind of surprises I mean. Like the.. you should have expected it can't believe you didn't know it was right under your nose kind of surprise. LOL. Wow. I am sooo over using that word right now. Perhaps I should find another rant.
Ooh. Email. I got a very intersting email today. It was probably one of the longest ones i've ever gotten, and probably will ever get in my life. It brought back a lot of memories that kinda made me feel like .. wow, I don't even know. It pulled up a lot of old memoreis and feelings that I tried to burry a while ago. Almost a year ago. Wow. On my best friends birthday .. it will have been a year.
Best friend.. am I still allowed to use that term? I don't even know anymore. She doesn't. *sigh* Perhaps I should retire it too. It just.. seems like it should still be the way it was.. buut.. gah. I don't even know. I apoligize for even bringing this up.
Threeeeee in the morning and i can't fall asleep. For the first time in .. three days I'm not talking to anybody, but i can't fucking fall asleep. God I need to buy a big gaint bottle of tylenol pm. That would solve allll my problems. Every last one of them.
LOL. Don't want to talk to people? Pop a few tylenol and POOF. No more talking to people. I'll be knocked out so hard with a mere three that I won't have to even think ..perhaps this is synical.. maybe not.. either way my dogs are barking and i've lost all feeling to my hand... must sleep now..