2005-01-07 - 12:41 p.m.
I don't know what it is that makes this world flip turn, but it seems to do it at the worst possible moment. Like when I am in a really great mood. Like when I think that there is no more road bumps for a while, or when I think I've just surpassed the biggest hill on my hike through life.
God I'm full of lame metephors tonight. People like me should be shot. LOL. It would make life a lot easier for everybody else <-- *Joke*. Grr. Have you ever done something and then instantly wished you hadn't? Like .. forgotten one detail and then fucked somethign really great up? Heh. I have. Actually, I think I do like.. everyday. that's cool though. If things weren't messed up, I'd be worried.
Gah, I went out last night. Again. I'm not going to lie, I did drink a little, but only two bottles, and I didn't get that drunk. It was pretty cool. I feel guilty about it though. I've never felt that before. Maybe it's cause I've gotten away with it so many times, it's finally starting to catch up with me. Maybe it's because I know I'm disappointing someone. Maybe.. maybe it's cause i'm disappointing me. Well.. For whatever reason, It's there and it's not cool.
Heh, I finally talked to ethan. I told him I wasn't sure what would happen when he got back to town cause things have gotten so mixed up. I seriously don't know what is going to happen. Tommi's coming back too. I"m excited cause I owe her lots of hugs. I guess I'm kinda worried. I feel like there's this really huge bomb that is going to drop any time now and fuck up the semi straightness that i've managed to find. It's there, lurking, waiting. I'll let you know when I think it's hit.
I get to cut people's hair today. I'm kinda excited. I like to pretend that I know what I'm doing. Heh. It works fairly well.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know what it is, that word loses so much meaning if it's used over and over and over, but I can't stop. I feel like i need to say it to everybody, even though I haven't done anything wrong. Grr. I need to go take a shower. It's one o clock. I'm such a lazy ass. Janet and i went to shadows this morning. He didn't know we were there cause he's in the shower. Janet and i were gunna scare him but then he saw my shoes. WHOOH. That's my morning. It was fun, but I gatta get stuff done.
No more giving this address to anybody. Nobody wants to know what goes through my head. <<--- *Executive decision.*
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