2005-01-31 - 7:41 p.m.
Ok.. Well.. needless to say I'm in a better mood. Much much better. Heh. I hung out with Janet. She always manages to crack me up. We went to our Pe class together. It was kick ass. I also got to see Chris. I don't know if he noticed or not. I kinda think he did.
See. I have this theory. I think I'm getting too close to him, too soon. SO if I start backing off now, I won't let myself get .. CLOSE CLOSE. This way.. if he hurts me.. I'll be ok.
Not that I think he's going to hurt me. It's not that at all. I just. . . need to be sure. I realized.. after the car and .. that stuff I just. . . I trust him way too much, and I'm way to comfortable around him. Waay waay to comfortable around him. It took me.. four months to get anywhere near as close to sam as it's take a month to get with chris. . . I don't mean. close.. physically, though that does apply.. I just mean.. Close. LIke I want to be around him and see him and talk to him and.. that crazy shit. This is bad news. I can't get this attached now.. If i do.. bad things'll happen.. Heh. Wow. You must think this is really stupid. Yes you. You reading this. Oh poo on you. See. this is my logic. My fucked up logic, with my walls and my locks and my.. pushing away.
It's how I stay safe. To quote something I wrote somewhere else "If I'm comfortable in the hole I've dug thus far, why upset it and have to start again?"
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