2005-12-01 - 1:32 p.m.
Ok. Maybe I didn't mean it. Maybe I was just hostile and I didn't mean any of the things I wrote before. Fyi, second entry today. Both in school.
It's so weird. At a time when I should be feeling totally alone and rejected and left, all I can manage to feel right now is ... nothing. I don't feel sad, I don't feel hurt anymore, I don't feel angry, fucked, ditched, dumped.... any of it. I'm just here. I'm here walking through life like a ghost. Like even though select few acknowledge me, no one else seems to notice im' here.
If I thought things seemed trivial and pointless before.. what I'm feeling now is worse. I see no reason to stand, no reason to wake up. I'm left with this empty shell, this shell that had hopes and dreams and a future. This shell that wanted nothing more in life than to hold on to the one special person they've ever found, and never let go. But hey. I knew it was coming. I knew it was only a matter of time before I was left behind in the dust.
It's the way it always goes. I put my heart and soul into something, and that something shits all over me. Just out right says "Fuck you bitch. No. Just no." So here I sit. With no emotions to process.. Fuck. Even after talking with joe, something I've wanted to do forever; I don't feel a thing. I don't want to be with him anymore. I don't want to be with anybody. I deserve to be alone.
And so I shall remain. Alone, and lost, in a world that won't stop spinning, in a world that just continues to move, while I stand, broken and frozen. Waiting to figure out what to do next.
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